On causes-tu pour la cause ?

“To be, or not to be: that is the question” – William Shakespeare

The ones who know my writing style know that I always start with a quote. This one might be the shortest one I have use since I started this blog in 2017, but it may as well be the deepest. Specially if you get so lucky to read the entire act. But we are not here today to discuss William Shakespeare and his work in length, we are here to discuss reflections…My lunch hour reflection to be more precise.

For years, I have seen the Bell “Let’s talk” campaign. No matter how you feel about the company itself, I can say one thing, most Quebecors (or residents) if not all have heard of this every year! It’s always right after the New Year break but far enough in the year, that way we could all be well back into our routine work life. Keeping in mind that for some, the daily work they do does not impact much their intellectual capacities, even less their mental capacity but for others, using your brain every day at its maximum capacity can be tiring.

As I was driving from a site visit, the radio show host couldn’t stop talking about “Julie Payette”, I kept on trying to remember if I knew this name – but I didn’t. I was so preoccupied with my own life reality that I haven’t kept up with the list of Governor General of Canada since Michaëlle Jean… By the time I finished going through my politician name file in my brain, the radio host was already discussing how that woman I mentioned earlier was the subject of rumored office toxicity instigator. Workplace harassment and toxicity was then the hot topic. The host was interviewing a mental health and workplace specialist who was trying to help her decipher whether the bullies are just “difficult”, or they are just “toxic”. Apparently, difficult is something you become, and toxic is something you are…

Continue reading

A-di-das? I did that ! The *laser* hair removal ride

“You never know what you can do until you try, and very few try unless they have to.” – C.S. Lewis

With that dear… trying new things is what I did because I had to. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures? The topic of hair removal has been a real wrangle initiator in my life for as long as I started to grow my first “hair” – if you know what I mean *insert weird wink*. Growing up, females around me rarely (to not say never) shaved any of their body hair, ANY *insert eye emoji*. So it was normal for me to let everything grow and let nature do its course. Up until I landed in the land where women get Brazilian wax as often as a bodybuilder visits the gym.

Continue reading

Get back… Back to work !

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” -Arthur Ashe

The time has come… For you to strap up and collect all of your working bones and return to money-making habits. Indeed, it’s that time where the holiday blues is coming to an end. The number of days where you can no longer sleep-in is getting lower by the hour. You can see additional responsibilities coming and whether you like it or not, work or school cannot be postponed. We shall all face it, it’s the time to get back to the grind. This statement comes with a lot of excitement for some when others dread it…

Continue reading

Would you retrofit your 2020 ?

“I am merely at the midway point in the novel of my own life. On around page 250 of a 500-page tale and, given future medical advances, maybe even 200. There’s no reason why the next 250, 300, or even 350 pages will not be far more exciting than the first half.” – Ray Smith, The Magnolia That Bloomed Unseen

What type of blogger would I be if I didn’t take the time to wish my readers well. I have manners after all…

Continue reading

Baby’s R us… Or are they ?

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” — Franklin P. Jones

Babies are cute… for a hot minute, yes. A little one in the family just turned one today and one thing that I have noticed is that babies are full time jobs. I saw a quick quote earlier which started with ” Making the decision to have a baby…” and I wanted to analyze it with you guys quickly… For most people that I know babies weren’t a decision, they were a result of a damn good time. Which in my opinion is what it should be – responsible, smart, financially ready individuals having a sloppy floppy and BOOM – babyyyy

Societal Pressure – Marry or not Marry ?

“You agreed to spend the rest of your life with someone in front of friends and family and it was a complete lie. How could I ever trust you !!??” – Guy in the show

I personally find dating weird sometimes. Every one seems to have a different definition of being with someone. Each have their own rules as long as at the end you and your partner are on the same page.

I’ve also noticed that it can be particularly tough for immigrant woman to date and find “real love” – whatever that is! – due to a few things mentioned in my Who am I ? – Part 1 post.

Last week, I watched “Dating Around” on Netflix – I don’t even know how/why I ended up watching it. I did not expect to be writing on this topic but Episode 2 of season 1 moved me.

Continue reading

Mirror reflection…

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ”
– M. Scott Peck

Although failure is one of the main topics of discussion when it comes to life achievements and success, it is not the main source of my inner issues. I have researched the “famous and successful’s”, I have read quote after quote, most of them talk about how one shall not be afraid of failure, fail 10 times and succeed once, etc…

As much as I want to call “bullshit”… I can’t because if it wasn’t true, it wouldn’t be the motto of millions of people for several generations.

I haven’t failed to the point where I am on the streets begging for food…yet – haha. I am yet to find my deeper issue and recently, I have been letting myself down !!!

On so many levels, from disappointing friends, family and coworker who might have cared about me. I am slowly becoming a hermit, all I want to do is hide. I have not failed, I have shamed – shamed my own being.

What to do when the person that keeps on letting yourself down is yourself, I want to blame my genes, my childhood, and my present self. On my death bed this weekend – yes I caught bad flu and had too much of self-evaluation moments. I relived my mistakes since the beginning of the year and I can definitely say that I have outdone myself in the disappointment category.

Side note – I decided that I do not want to attend graduation, not because I very much hated a part of my university experience but because I hate the “second” feeling, I wasn’t able to deliver as much as I should or could have due to other life circumstances. You are probably thinking that I should be more proud since I was able to get a degree with “all that”… No! Some people go through worse and are able to pull through fabulously, I sense that a part of me died in the process and gave up the diploma fight and for that, I am not proud and cannot allow myself to attend the ceremony.

I am grateful and thankful of the fact that I have a roof – at least for now before we get kicked out at the end of the lease – a job, a family that loves me, and a few friends that may still care about me despite me letting them down. I am also less and less happy and afraid to admit it to people and to myself – I don’t know the root of the unhappiness! – I do know that it is affecting me on a personal level causing all my reactions. I have prayed and wished that I could get a calmer personality …

” Josie why so loud, you are disturbing the neighbors” a friend would say – I did not realize that my voice tone and laugh decibels had gone up because I was having a good time.

“Josie shut up and it’s not a funny part” a friend would say at the movies – Hence why now I rather go to the movies alone – I don’t know nobody, I don’t see nobody, I laugh when I laugh, I leave when I’m done.

“Josie you need to think more before you act” – I must admit that I have been working on that because my emotions “finna” be the death of me. If I keep acting on my feelings at certain moments, I might end up on the streets for real this time!

I have been dragging that #2 feeling all along, after working hard for the past months at my job, I did not get a status upgrade, I thought, they would see that you are doing a great job, know that you have the qualifications and offer… They didn’t! And for that I have been blaming myself for one, caring too much and for two, not having fight for what I think I deserve. One person that I deeply respect recently told me: ” If you are doing a good job, you will never get promoted”. This sentence hunted me back today when I read “my assistant” referring to me in an email. It is starting to become harder and harder to bear the title, I love my job but I’m not sure how I feel about that #2 label…

Another number 2 moment was when I realized that most man that was attracted to me was taken – Do I give a #2 vibe !!? One of my aunties once sent me a “WhatsApp video” of a pastor saying that if you carry yourself as a wife, you will be and if you carry yourself as a single lady, you shall stay the same. Personally, I have been looking for where I am wrong, I don’t entertain any type of relationship with the male gender, I pay my own rent, drive myself to work and back home, cook, clean as much as I can and try to stay me so whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (please stress the “why”) do I have to be #2?

Gabe Paul, famous baseball executive manager once said:” There is no such thing as second place, either you are first place or your nothing”. I live my life being second place, I live my life feeling like I am nothing. As my Myers–Briggs personality test displayed me as “The Entertainer“, I am able to put a shield face every day and most of the time act unbothered, but I am, and I am beginning to feel tired of it.

I can see you coming with:”Well do something about it” so allow me to remind you that some things are easier said then done…

I am not battling failure, I am battling inner second place syndrome that is slowly wearing off my confidence and leading on a dark path of loneliness, disappointment and perhaps… Failure.

Now go on and try that personality test and update me on your discoveries!

Josie escapes…