Societal Pressure – Marry or not Marry ?

“You agreed to spend the rest of your life with someone in front of friends and family and it was a complete lie. How could I ever trust you !!??” – Guy in the show

I personally find dating weird sometimes. Every one seems to have a different definition of being with someone. Each have their own rules as long as at the end you and your partner are on the same page.

I’ve also noticed that it can be particularly tough for immigrant woman to date and find “real love” – whatever that is! – due to a few things mentioned in my Who am I ? – Part 1 post.

Last week, I watched “Dating Around” on Netflix – I don’t even know how/why I ended up watching it. I did not expect to be writing on this topic but Episode 2 of season 1 moved me.

The show is just like “The Bachelorette” but the bachelor only gets one episode, 5 dates and no flowers are given out, instead best candidate gets a second dates. The episode I want to talk about have a 36 years old woman as the main character. She meets with 5 fairly handsome man (different timeframes obviously). The dates start off well, then it gets really juicy when she reveals to them that she had been married for roughly 7 years and divorced at 32 years old.

Most men took the news “like pros” – no drama, found it interesting, asked polite questions. One of them asked about how long she knew that the relationship was not meant to be long term. She admitted sensing in the early stages that he was probably not the ying to her yang. He then put her on the spot with “if you knew, why did you still go through with it”. She looked frazzled by the conversation already. Coming from an Indian background and with parents that had a successful arranged marriage, it was hard for her to try to explain the role of cultural and social pressure in her decisions back then. He snapped saying if she could lie in front of everyone about loving and caring for one forever, how can anyone trust her.

Now, if you know me, you know that I’ve struggled with trust issues, but I personally did not like the way the man approached the situation. When you are young and dating, coming from any form of religious family – or even just a big family, you feel it. ” I must stay with him because now the entire family knows and like him, even if I’m sometimes unhappy and I’m not sure his goals aline with mine. We’ve been together since I was 17, I can’t throw away these years”. I can understand how she went into the marriage under social duress. As this is the common struggle for either man or woman.

She probably think about the past sometimes…If she had it differently she would have told her boyfriend how she felt and they wouldn’t have shared these 7 years, although she currently has no regrets.

She admitted she wasn’t a good partner in their relationship. I felt like it takes some guts and good self reflection for a woman to admit they’ve messed up (we are always so quick to judge all men). I have not always been the best partner myself or maybe I have yet to meet the one who will bring the best out of me… But 7 years… How ?

This brings us further into the topic, after 3-4 years with someone, is it worth breaking up ? No one likes throwing away years…

For me, sharing your life with someone is something so precious and secret that not everyone should get that privilege. In no way I will let you wake up beside me every day, share my finance and truly accommodate to you if I feel a slight hesitation in my heart or in yours…

In canada, divorce rates are roughly 38% and usually occurs in your 40’s. Is this why a lot of people don’t get married ?  Think about it …

Josie Escapes…

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