“The fear of failure, but no urge to be productive. Wanting friends, but hate socializing. Wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely.”
I’m getting a pedicure today, sitting in the nail salon while someone is carefully taking care of my feet, I can’t stop thinking (Insert a French curse here). I have been going to the same Nail Salon for about 5-6 years – this is probably my longest relationship with anything in my life. I used to come here happy and chat about everything and anything. Now, I found I can’t speak anymore, I have lost the touch… If it isn’t “drywall” I don’t know what to say. Putting aside the fact that I am mentally tired and physically exhausted every time I go there, so all I want is rest, but I’d like for people to talk to me.
The last few weeks have been hard, it’s been a mix of me being too hard on myself and beating myself down for the wrong choices I made! I also have noticed that maybe I am just a summer person, I like biking, I like getting out there but not in the “awkward season” – I know you’re wondering what I mean so hang in there… The “awkward season for me” is the period between the end of the hot days (below 24°C) and January 5th. In that period of time, I basically have nothing to do with my life, I hate going out in the cold – I just lied, I’ll do it if there is booze, but you can’t bike and drive nor go drink by yourself in the forest, unless you are looking to die… and I’m not in that business.