I recently found out how hard it is to cancel the Goodlife Membership !
I genuinely think that everyone wants to be in their most optimal shape !
My battle with healthy life… Oh my, where to start ?? I had a trainer ? I’ve been on diets ? I’m not sure what I want my body to look like, All I know is that I’m looking forward to be healthy one day.
Sometimes I feel like I make too much of a big deal out of it. In my early 20’s not necessarily fat (tall slim to be exact), so I have never really had a big ” weight issue”.Therefore, Why Am I complaining ? Maybe I suffer a bit of Hypochondriasis or Nosophobia – Fear of diseases.
I believe that beauty is not forever, besides, health either.Everyday I have to remind myself that I need to stay in shape , eat better, etc. Easy to say but no so well done… Let me walk you through my “health journey”.
Growing up, I got involved in various sports (soccer, tennis, etc.). My last high school year, I played in the Juvenile AA Basketball team at school – so practice 2 to 3 times a week (and the games). Let’s just say that, by the end of high school, I was in shape !
The real struggle started once I begin university….for various reason :
- Mom was away so had to figure out the food part
- Sudden decrease of physical activity ( Went from working out more than 3 times a week to 0!!) which resulted in number 3 below
- Several failed attempt to adhere a proper gym lifestyle…
The question was (and still is…) : Why can’t I keep up with the gym !?
My busy Engineering student schedule ?
Okay, okayyy !! I see other Gym rat engineering student coming at me with the : “Oh well, I do it !”. *Insert eye roll* Calm down !! I had a hard time adjusting to the university life… more studying, time management, personal issues, etc. So fitting the gym inside my hectic schedule was not a priority ! At this point it was really about me “getting my stuff together”.
The Gym Clothes ?
There is unwritten rules about the girl dress code for sweating or “sparkling” – as someone once told me :” We don’t sweat, we sparkle !”. For example, you must not were a tank top if your underarm is as hairy as Chewbacca’s, same goes for legs and all. You also need the proper gears- running shoes (cute ones – not the ones you were to run in your neighborhood during summer times), stretchy leggings cause nobody wants to be working out in some jeans – unless you REALLY want to get out of your comfort zone!. Sports bra – I don’t think I really need to stretch the importance of a sports bra – Pass ! All of this needs to be wash on an “after use” basis – “sparkled” in them remember. Being the water saving lazy me that I am, I don’t always wash my clothes on the weekends – guess I’m not going to the gym next week ha-ha !
The “dressing room”
Or the undressing room, with so many woman being naked in there – If you want to compare boobs and woman’s part, the “ladies” is the place to be. Not to mention if you want to feel conscious about those stretch mark you got from gaining that weight so quickly. The lockers make you feel like you don’t belong, the humans in there are what some would call “hot”. I know I shouldn’t compare – but ‘m not a perfect human so that is what I do – I’ve been trying to compare my shape less when I go to the gym (Work in progress…). Anyways, all that to say that the woman’s dressing room is like a real life Instagram discover page (You only see the good stuff), you don’t want to go there but you have to from time to time to get to other places.
The Actual Gym
Again, were do I begin!!?? … As you walk in the gym, you can ear and feel the concentrated amount of Insulin, testosterone and Cortisol in the air . Ear, by the sounds of dumbbells heavily kissing the floor between some muscular dudes rep, the weird moaning of some (Oh yeah ! Working-out is THAT good), the footstep and deep breathing of the one breaking a sweat on the elliptical and such. Feel, by the arrogance and confidence level that the people working out tend to carry with them 24/7, an arrogance that one so desire but yet can’t reach. To use the gym equipment at school it feels like a full screening application. When it comes to using the equipment in general gyms, I always feel like I’m doing something wrong ( feeling that I carry along every time I’m in the gym) – I can’t squat right, so I stopped squatting, I can’t lift right – stopped lifting too, I can’t -run… Than Why do I still go to the gym !!??
The way there
Since I don’t have a gym in my apartment building – Probably the main reason why I can’t keep up – I have to bus to the gym (I also don’t own a car…). I most of the time have a full school and meeting day downtown, therefore, the packing life becomes a burden. Carrying two bags all day, by the end of it, been to class, exhausted , mentally drained, almost depressed, I don’t feel like going to the gym at all – so I head home (with my two bags) and spend the bus ride reflecting on how I just carried useless weight along for several hours. I could go in the morning but then, the whole shower thing will come in place along with the locker sharing, the need to pack more stuff (towel, cream, makeup bag…), the soreness plus the bag carrying still…
So far, I can’t seem to find the right balance, I go to the gym on and off depending on my mood and the days. I try to stay healthy as much as I can and I keep on dreaming about my police officer body at night.
Should I just give up ?
Desperately in need of advise !